So Dark the Con of Tinsel Town

We saw The Da Vinci Code last night, a film which is most aptly summed up by the Neil Young song, "Piece of Crap" (Piece! Of! Crap!). Granted, any movie would have a hard time overcoming the 45-minute delay in actually rolling the film, but let's just say that I hope Ron Howard doesn't read this blog, because feelings might get hurt.

I know, I know, with lines like, "I need to get to a library...fast!" and my personal favorite, "Godspeed," (whispered with smoldering intensity and absolutely no irony by the fantastically miscast Tom Hanks sporting a really wack jerry curl), you would think this movie is foolproof. But, the producers shockingly turned a bad book into an equally bad film. Oh, and take my review of the book with a grain of salt, because I could only choke my way through the first three chapters before coming to the conclusion that I would rather just eat glass. Thankfully, "prose" like that doesn't come around too often.

Also, I realize that, among other religious groups, the Roman Catholic Church is all in a tizzy, fearing that the fictional revelations of the film will result in a major hit to church membership, but that's only because there weren't any advance screenings. Trust me, Benedict, you got nothing to worry about: once people see this steaming pile of horse manure that is being passed off as movie magic, your troubles will be long gone.

Should you disregard all of the above and go to see the movie anyway, please note that at the end, Tom Hanks is staying at the Ritz in Paris. I can personally vouch for the fact that professors, especially those in the humanities, don't stay at nice hotels. Trade "the Ritz" for "Rooms for Rent George," and you'd be approaching a little something I like to call "reality."

On a side note, why have I not been drawing over pictures in Photoshop more often???