Eph Doing Classics

I've decided to take a quick break in the mind-numbingly dry (trust me, I'm as bored as you are) narrative of the historical and archaeological highlights of our trip to show you how Eph conducts his important work as a Classicist. At left is a perfect example of what I have come to call "Eph doing Classics!" (exclamation point is mandatory, as is a quick "jazz hands" move). Rejected terms for this were "Nerding It Up, Classics-style" and "Driving Around All Day Looking for a Site May Just Be a Few Rocks or Might Not Exist At All." This is probably obvious, but I have been accused of not being hardy enough to be a Classicist. But back to Eph, let's get a close-up of him reading an inscription:

Do not try this unsupervised at home or anything. You have to work up to intensity like that, folks.
















If you are, in fact, an aspiring Classicist, you will also need to bone up physically. Here, Eph demonstrates his hard-won physical prowess by throwing rocks at a buoy. Now again, this is not something you can just go out and do on your first day as a Classicist. Eph reports that he honed this particular skill during his year of rigorous course work as a Regular Member of the American School of Classical Studies at Athens. He will never be forgotten in the hallowed halls of that famed institution.

There is not enough academic funding in the world to cultivate this kind of brilliance. Note how he has positioned himself in full view of the Death Oracle in the cave behind him, as if drawing on its ancient power to propel the rocks closer to the buoy. Our research indicates that the Oracle may still have been at its condo in Florida, however, since Eph never really came close to hitting anything but the water.

Here, Eph inspects a grate covering a hole at Ancient Corinth. Safety first, people.















Equipment is also very important to Eph's ground-breaking work, and as you can see, we sprang big for the ecomony sized rental car. We had the option of the mini size, which costs less and is, in fact, a riding lawn mower, but no, only the best for us.

Proper eye-wear is also crucial. As you can see, these are authentic Ray Ban sunglasses that Eph purchased from a man who roams the Port of Pireas with a black trash bag full of his wares. The asking price? 20 euros. Final cost? 5 euros. Do not trifle with a Classicist.




I can't stress the importance of nutrition enough. Eph very strictly adheres to the USDA food pyramid.














This is also a tutorial on the proper placement of pistacio shells.


Next to nutrition, adequate sleep is crucial for staying at the top of one's mental and physical abilities. Here, Eph shows that, when a Classicist is tired, he must rest wherever he finds himself. This requires a discipline and pluck that not every person can expect to achieve.



This is Eph high-fiving the statue honoring fishermen lost at sea. Proper reverance and respect for historical objects is of utmost importance and is not to be taken lightly.













Finally, a Classicist can never be afraid to have his photo taken with modern signs that vaguely relate in an obscure and rather tenuous way to his dissertation. Eph's masterpiece deals with the fishing economy of the ancient Aegean, and here, he places himself proudly next to a sign for the town of Tuna.